Friday, November 30, 2012

No Girls Allowed!

There's one husband in our married couples Bible study who still plays video games, and he happens to be newly married, no kids. Seems like having offspring puts a damper on a man's gaming mojo, so K has had a hard time really connecting with anyone in the group. But now that he's discovered this potential friend, we have a big roadblock... his wife!

Let's call them Mike and Mary. Mary is the same girl who wanted to give me her husband's copy of Halo because he was overplaying it. So K and I thought, why not invite them over for dinner, and afterward the guys can try out some video games together while I entertain Mary with chit chat and baby Dexter? Perfect plan, right? Yeah, not so much. First, Mary complained that the TV was too loud, so they had turn the volume down waaay low and couldn't hear the dialogue in the tutorial. Second, she wouldn't stop bugging the guys and kept hovering around and checking up on her husband. Hmm, maybe next time we'll try a different tactic where I invite Mary out to Starbucks (her weakness) so the men can have some time by themselves.


Several of my female friends don't understand the need for "guy time," where men hang out with other men and can be their natural, uh, uncouth selves. They can freely release bodily gases, make baby-eating jokes, and vent about their girlfriends/wives. Even some of K's male friends don't understand "guy time." One of his buddies is so joined-at-the-hip to his girlfriend that it's become increasingly difficult to invite him to guy-only game nights. So when K wanted to set up a first person shooter LAN party one weekend, he reluctantly extended the invitation to said girlfriend as an experiment. Well, as cool as Kelly is, her presence just changed the dynamics of the whole room. Being new to the group, they weren't sure how far they could push their joking and what might offend her. And she didn't seem to quite get when friendly fire is funny and when it's really, really annoying. ^_^;;

I don't know, I can see it both ways. On one hand, maybe once they get to know her better, things won't be as awkward. On the other hand, sometimes men have things they can only say and do around other men, and no matter how tomboy-ish or laid back a girl may be, it's just not the same when the other gender is around.

Question:
What do you think? Should we give the poor guys their "man cave" time, or is it sexist and backwards?

12 comments:

lilirious said...

Man cave time FTW! When he's having man cave time, I'm having fun, sappy chickflick time with the girls (or my knitting and the cats). Nothing wrong with that!

(I really love your blog :))

Jennifer Whidden said...

It's not sexist and backwards to want to nurture your own friendships and hobbies when you are married. I don't invite myself to my husband's gaming nights and he would surely die of boredom at one of my knitting nights.

You don't have to turn into a two-headed monster just because you get married. You should still be able to have room to grow as an individual inside your marriage. Being given that room by your spouse is a trusting and loving gesture.

Besides, what do you talk about if you do EVERYTHING together?? That sounds kind of boring, and really, it's nice to have a bit of time apart sometimes.

Anne G. White said...

@Lilirious - I agree! There's nothing worse than trying to watch a Jane Austen movie with K around because then he starts shouting "I shan't!!" in a fake British accent at the most romantic parts of the story. O_o Btw, I checked out your blog and love love love your Kirby skinny jeans and crazy awesome Yu-Gi-Oh hoodie. They're amazing!

@Jennifer - I know! Some of my friends spend practically 100% of their time together with their SOs. A friend once told me, "My husband wanted to go to the hardware store but I needed to get some shopping done, so we had an argument about it since we only had time to do one." Umm, you have 2 cars; why not separate and do some parallel processing? Her response, "Oh well, we do everything together so that wasn't an option." O_O

Jennifer Whidden said...

I save up shows R hates for his Friday night gaming nights so I can watch Downton Abbey and Call the Midwife with no eye rolling and snide comments!

...and shop together? We try to avoid it to maintain marital harmony.

We just celebrated 10 years. Maybe that is the secret?

geekturtle said...

Personal time is personal time,and is kind of backwards in my house, I spend time with the scouts, and with my role playing friends, my husband prefers to stay and play Fifa, and he sometimes comes with me and sticks with me, even when I delicatedly drop him with my male friends.
I think that as a couple you have to grow by yourself in order to not become the same person, in our case we both have home office and spend around 23 hours a day together, if we do not have our personal time I guess we will just start biting each other.

JuneBride2013 said...

Letting your man have alone time with the guys is ESSENTIAL for a happy relationship. I had to learn this the hard way after complainging all the time and making my [at the time time boyfriend] choose to spend time with me instead of the guys. But I came to realize that guys only time is needed; there's just some jokes I don't appreciate, and some videos I'd rather not watch. And his friends are into that and not me and that's okay. I'd rather he spend time with the guys and play videos all night than force him to stay next to me. His happiness is what is most important to me and playing video games with his best friends every once in a while makes him happy. Telling your man he can't do that, is really selfish..

I'm hoping I can continue this mentality when my fiance and I get married as I want to be the "good wife" that hosts the guys-only gamer nights to show my support. Cross my fingers that they don't destroy the house! [perhaps I'll require clean up afterwards, ha]

Anne G. White said...

@JuneBride2013 - Congrats on your upcoming wedding! You can do it! I totally "host" guys-only game nights all the time for my hubby, by cleaning up, baking cookies and disappearing when necessary. :) And yes, I make K do the clean up... ^_~

Chersis and Trehugre said...

My husband and I have a LOT in common and enjoy quite a few of the same things. HOWEVER, he definitely needs his "guy" time. He has two daughters, me and three female cats. There's so much estrogen in this house he needs that escape. This is why he runs off with his friends and sees movie like "Skyfall" while the girls and I stay home and do somewhat "girly" things. (Even if said "girly" things is the girls playing with their legos and me playing my "Lego Lord of the Rings" video game.)

Anne G. White said...

@Chersis and Trehugre - We're so similar! Before Dexter was born, K was the only male in a house with me and our 2 female pets. And he also went off to go see Skyfall recently with a guy friend!

GeekSquee McKean said...

Absolutely give man cave time! My man plays magic the gathering with my son & i just provide comments from the peanut gallery while i crochet. it works.

i'm always encouraging him to get his boy time in too, get out hang with the boys... but the last time he did it, he over did it and spent the next day hiding in his bathrobe and regreting his hangover - too bad the carpets had to be cleaned that day too!

GeekSquee McKean said...

my boyfriend and i grew up together, i ended up being one of the guys and therefore encourage him to get boy time.

i want him to go out see his friends and get his gamer on (table top gaming with this one), its not my thing, but he'll at least play magic the gathering with my son as i make silly comments from the peanut gallery as i crochet. or i run interference on the littler kids.

they need down time too, just as we do when we hide in the bathtub with a good book or something.

Jess said...

I found your blog via the "kitten mittens" pattern on Ravelry. I, too, am a video game designer's wife, but am one of those that LOVES playing games. In fact, the whole family has fun times together rampaging around in a virtual world.

Re: Cave time. Yeah, my guy definitely needs his Alone cave time and his Going-To-Loud-Movies buddy time. In our old neighborhood, once a month the men would gather to watch action movies together while the women would watch some sort of chick flick. It was loads of fun.